PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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