i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
