Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
