WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
