blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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