i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
