Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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