There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
