pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
