I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
