Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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