I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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