so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
