we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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