There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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