I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
