just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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