I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
