is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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