Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize