what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
