I wanna passion pit in your ass
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
