just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize