No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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