i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
