the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize