You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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