Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
