I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
