it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
