the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize