You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
