Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
