She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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