hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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