I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize