y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
