i permit you to call me
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it's like iHOP with fire
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize