your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
