the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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