i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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