he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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