this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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