I got chris browned last night
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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