Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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