There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
