what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
