My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
