Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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