These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just want to make out with him forever
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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