I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
