So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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