We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
