I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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