I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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