His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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