My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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