first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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