so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
