Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
