Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
