This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
