Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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