The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
