So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
