Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
