If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
