I wish I could punch you in the face.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
