I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
