My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
