Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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