HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
