Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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