I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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