fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you would pick up someone in the library
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
