I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
