just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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