Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize