I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
