We won't sleep together?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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