I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
