just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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