i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
