i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
