: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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