this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goatâ€
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
