Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
