Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
