Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
