When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
