PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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